How to leave an abusive relationship

By October 20, 2017 No Comments

how-to-leave-an-abusive-relationship-lifewrorksAbuse can be physical, mental, emotional, verbal, or sexual, and often a combination. And just because you aren’t being physically hit, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t a victim of abusive behavior. Words that cause mental and emotional anguish are also consistent with an abusive relationship, as is being with someone who is excessively jealous, or someone who is excessively controlling. One of the number one things a person who isn’t in, or who hasn’t been in an abusive relationship will inquire about in regards to someone who is, is why don’t you just leave the relationship? But, people who aren’t in the situation usually fail to understand what it is like, and how difficult it can be to just up and leave for the person that’s involved.

So, why is it so difficult for someone in an abusive relationship to get out? Many times, in severe cases, it’s fear. Fear of the abuser, or fear of being alone. And it can be difficult for some people to understand, but many times, the person either doesn’t fully know or acknowledge consciously that they are in an abusive situation, or they are in denial and justify their partner’s abusive actions. This justification can happen for several reasons, such as, the person feels as if they truly love the other person and they don’t want to leave them, or they have succumbed to the manipulative words of their abusive partner and believe that it is their fault that they endure the abuse. There are a lot of reasons that go far beneath the surface, and make it quite difficult for some to understand.

If you know someone who is in an abusive relationship, you should act on it. You may need to help them understand that they are in an abusive situation, because like mentioned before, it happens quite often that they are not truly aware of this. And if they aren’t aware, or aren’t able to come to terms with it, it doesn’t mean they are unintelligent; because many very intelligent people succumb to the manipulation of an abusive partner.

If you or someone you love is in an abusive relationship, you may want to go over some of these steps as to how to get out… Depending on the severity of your relationship, some may or may not be applicable to your specific situation.

  1. Find someone who can help
  2. Talk to friends or family
  3. Find a secure place to stay, perhaps a friend or family member, or in some cases, the best option may be a women’s shelter. It’s important that you be sure that your partner won’t come after you, in which case, it may be best to go somewhere that they won’t find you.
  4. Come up with an escape plan. Make sure that you have an emergency fund or credit to use for when you leave. Many abusive partners are quite controlling, and it is possible they have access to your account. Find a way to access money without their knowing, soon before you plan to leave. Maybe have a getaway bag ready to go, hidden where your abusive partner won’t be able to find it.
  5. Gather any evidence of abuse in case you need it to take any legal action, etc.
  6. When you leave, make sure you have everything planned out, especially where you are going to go.

 Regardless of the severity of abuse in your relationship, you should never stick around, as it usually only gets worse with time. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, one of the best things you can do, and one of the firsts steps you can take, is talking to someone. By speaking to someone professional, you can gain clarity, understanding, relieve anxiety, and learn of ways to help you leave the relationship. If you are looking for any type of relationship counseling in Carrolton, here at Lifeworks, we can help. Contact us today, and let us help you make things right.


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